There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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