I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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