its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
