come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
