she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
