i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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