If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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