Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
