I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
