I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I see more hoeing in ur future
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
