in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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