i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
