I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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