My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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