I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish you could order shots online.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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