I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
