I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
