How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
