Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
