atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
