Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
