I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
