sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
