I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
