when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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