Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
