so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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