It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
