yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
