you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
