i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
