I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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