hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
