I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
