I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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