I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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