While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
