Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
