Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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