woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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