Im at strip club and am horny
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
