going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
