I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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