I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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