at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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