I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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