i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
