Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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