he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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