It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
