guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
